Fixing your baby’s split nights
Is your baby waking at night for extended periods of time? Split nights can literally feel like the worst thing when you’re desperate for a full night of sleep. You may even be reading this blog as you sit up overnight waiting for your baby to finally look tired and go back to sleep. These marathon waking sessions are often frustrating and confusing. Aren’t babies supposed to sleep at night? Why does my baby think she’s nocturnal? Lucky for you, I’m here to share the 3 main causes of split nights and give you tools to tackle this issue so you can get back to sleeping at night!
What are split nights?
But first, let’s define what split nights are. Split nights are much more than just night wakings. (If you’re struggling with those, be sure to check out this blog instead). Split nights are defined as a prolonged period of wakefulness in the night. Typically this period of being awake will last for 1 hour or more. The waking may happen before midnight but most often will be in the second half of the night.
Some babies are upset during this time but mostly, babies are happy and wide awake, ready to play. If dealing with split nights, you may have even gotten into the habit of getting your baby up and taking them to your living room to play until they start showing tired signs again. When you’re in the midst of a split night waking, you’ll find yourself thinking, “My baby doesn’t seem tired AT ALL right now.”
#1 cause of split nights: Too much daytime sleep
The most common cause of split nights is actually really simple. Too much napping! Perhaps your baby loves their naps and often naps for 2+ hours throughout the day. Sometimes this is just how they naturally start sleeping but other times, it comes on out of nowhere.
Maybe your baby had a bad night or two and so you let them sleep a little longer the next day because they seemed so tired. Then that extra day sleep leads them to not feel tired enough overnight and they wake up to party at 2am. So the next day you compensate a bit more and they nap long again. You can see how it quickly turns into a vicious cycle.
If this is the cause of your split nights, then the first thing you need to do is start waking your baby from their long naps. I know, I know. It can feel so backwards to wake a sleeping baby, but if you want to help them sleep more overnight, it has to be done. Don’t feel like you need to do it all at once though. For instance, start by waking about 15 minutes early from one or multiple naps. Do this for two days and then shorten the naps by another 15 minutes. Keep doing this until you are within the recommended ranges I’ve included below:
If baby is 0-3 months, then 5-7 hours of day sleep should be the maximum amount
If baby is 4-5 months, then 4-4.5 hours of day sleep should be the maximum amount
If baby is 6-8 months, then 3-3.5 hours of day sleep should be the maximum amount
If baby is 9-24 months, then 3 hours of day sleep should be the maximum amount
And if your child is over 2 years, then 2-3 hours of day sleep should be the maximum amount
These are averages, of course, but a good starting point if you’re dealing with split nights.
#2 cause of split nights: Expecting too much nighttime sleep
Another cause of split nights that I see is parents expecting too much night sleep out of their little ones. This usually looks like going to bed too early and not building enough sleep pressure before bed. This can cause a long period of wakefulness in the night. Some families can get stuck in a cycle of bedtime being really early (5-6pm) and when the early morning time hits, their baby is just done sleeping. So the baby wakes up about 3am, parties for an hour or two and then is ready to go back to sleep by 5am. To them, it kind of feels like their first nap of the day instead of more night sleep.
Can I let you in on a little fact? While some babies can give you 12 hours of sleep every night, many will not be capable of that. 10 hours may be the most you can expect from your little one. So if we do that math… Bedtime at 5:30pm then asleep for about 10 hours and that leads to party time at 3:30am (or earlier). Yikes!
If this scenario sounds a bit like yours, then the first step is accepting that your baby might have lower sleep needs. This means they’ll need a bit more awake time in the day than the average child- which will help you push bedtime later. Download my free wake window chart here and then, if you find you’re already using the age appropriate wake times and truly have a low sleep needs child, you may need to bump up a month or two and apply longer wake windows. This will allow us to give them the awake time they need during the day so their body isn’t trying to get it overnight. It will also naturally shorten their nighttime sleep- which could be exactly what they need.
A quick note: If your child is constantly tired and crabby throughout the day, then this will not be the cause of your split nights. A child with low sleep needs will get less sleep but still be happy and well rested with less sleep.
#3 cause of split nights: Schedule that is constantly different
Another cause of split nights is just a confused and inconsistent schedule. If your baby often has varying wake up times, has random nap times throughout the day, and almost never has the same bedtime, then that could be your issue. Now, it is normal for schedules to fluctuate a bit. We don’t expect young babies, especially, to keep an exact schedule every single day. But if your baby’s wake up time and bedtime varies by more than 30-60 minutes most days, then their schedule needs to be anchored more. Or if you find their schedule gets thrown out of whack on “off” days but you’re having off days most of the days of the week, then there’s a deeper problem going on here.
The biggest thing I recommend is setting a morning wake up time that is within a 30 minute range each day. This can be hard to do, especially if your little one is up for several hours overnight. The pull to let them sleep in the next morning is strong. But fight that urge. Wake them up within your designated wake up range and move on with your day- even if they are still tired and want to keep sleeping.
Just by doing this one simple step, it can help the rest of the day to level out because your day is always starting right around the same time. That means naps will likely fall around a similar time each day and therefore bedtime will too.
It’s okay to have off days too! After all, your baby is a living and breathing human, not a robot. But frequent off days can absolutely cause split nights because your baby’s internal clock is not getting a chance to settle.
Extra tips for handling split nights:
Avoid turning the lights on or “playing” with your child during their split night waking. As much as possible, we want to continue sending the message that nighttime is for sleep and daytime is for play.
If you find your baby is more amped up by your presence, it’s okay to stay out and give them space. Especially if your baby is awake but happy, don’t bother them. Wait until they become distressed before you head in. If you head in too soon, you could cause the waking to go on longer than it would have without your intervention.
Try to stay active during the day. Encourage lots of free play and free movement. Avoid having your baby spend extended periods of time in containers (car seats, swings, bouncers, etc). Instead focus on getting them down on the floor to roll around, work on crawling, pulling to stand, etc.
Expose your baby to natural sunlight when it is wake up time. Not before, but once it is time for them to be awake in the morning, get them some rays. This is a huge cue to their brain and will help to set their circadian rhythm.
Final thoughts
I hope you learned something new today and feel better prepared to tackle your baby’s split nights. I know it’s not an easy fix, but this is a great starting point for you to try and if you find you still need help, I’m always here!
If you feel like your constant off days and split nights are impossible to rein in, then let’s chat! This can often be caused by sleep associations, your child fighting falling asleep, short naps, and early morning wakings. All of these are issues that I help families tackle on a daily basis. I’d love to hop on a free call with you, hear more about your sleep situation, and tell you how I can help. Schedule your free call today:
