Tired of the bedtime battle? 8 tips to help your toddler stay in bed

Is bedtime in your house starting to feel more like a battlefield than a peaceful end to the day? You’re not alone! Many parents struggle with toddlers who resist staying in bed, constantly calling out for “just one more” story, hug, or drink of water. It can be exhausting and frustrating, especially when you know they need the rest (and so do you!).

But don’t worry, you don’t have to keep fighting the same bedtime battles night after night. With the right strategies, you can help your toddler stay in bed and make bedtime a smoother, more enjoyable experience for everyone.

In this blog, we’ll dive into practical tips to transform your bedtime routine, from setting up a consistent routine to using white noise, and even introducing a toddler bedtime pass. Ready to put those bedtime struggles to rest for good? Let’s get started!

Toddler sleep tip #1: Have a consistent and predictable bedtime routine

One big mistake I see parents making is losing control of bedtime before the routine even starts. Children thrive with predictability and consistency. Now, that doesn’t mean they’ll always like the routine but they will grow to understand that it doesn’t change based on their whims and requests… and that will lead to less push back eventually. 

At this toddler and preschooler age, it helps to create a visual bedtime routine chart that you can both follow every single night. It doesn't need to be fancy and have stickers or velcro. It can simply be a visual list of each item on the routine. As your child sees you stick to this routine each night, regardless of what they request or resist, they will be able to pull their brains out of testing mode and into accepting mode.

A typical toddler bedtime routine may look like: Bath or shower time, brush teeth, go potty, head to bedroom and put pajamas on, read 2 books together, turn on white noise and turn off lights together, tuck into bed and say final good nights.

Toddler sleep tip #2: Don’t give in to extra requests

“I’m thirsty, I need a drink of water!” “Read one more book!” “Can you tuck me in again?”

When your toddler pulls out those extra requests during the bedtime routine or once you’ve tucked them in, I know it feels easier to just give in and answer the request. It is the quickest route after all. But once you start giving in to extra requests, your child will pick up on this and learn to request even more in order to stall bedtime and keep you in the room. This can quickly get out of hand and before you know it, you’re spending 60 minutes on the bedtime routine before your child even thinks about falling asleep- yikes!

So if extra requests are a problem at bedtime, you want to address those specific requests you often hear first. For example, if your child is always asking for a drink of water, consider giving them a small cup of water they can keep in their room. Once that cup is gone, they are done with water for the night. If your child is asking you to repeatedly tuck them in, make sure their bed is not too elaborate or different for them to fix their covers themselves. Practice during the day and then remind them at bedtime that they get one tuck in and then they are in charge of their bed for the rest of the night. If your child always asks for 1 more book, have a set number of books that you read during the bedtime routine and ALWAYS stick to it.

At first, as you make these changes and follow through, there will be an increase in pushback and tears but this is just your toddler’s way of learning new boundaries and figuring out how the world works. Don’t be afraid to be the parent. It is your job to hold important boundaries for your child so they can adapt and get the sleep their body needs to thrive.

Toddler sleep tip #3: Use white noise

White noise is a great sleep aid and it can help to buffer out other sounds in the house. If your child is lying in bed and hearing what you’re watching on TV, hearing everytime you walk past their door, or hearing their baby sibling, that is going to inhibit their ability to shut off their brain and fall asleep. White noise can eliminate those distractions and it’s also shown to decrease the amount of time that it takes to fall asleep. 

Toddler sleep tip #4: If a nightlight is necessary, use red

If your child is not expressing a fear of the dark or requesting a nightlight- then you don’t need one yet. But if they are struggling with the darkness, it’s okay to implement a nightlight. I highly recommend a red night light as red or amber light does not mess with melatonin production. Other light colors can inhibit melatonin production which will just make it harder for your child to fall asleep. 

You also want to just offer one nightlight and not several. This can quickly get out of hand if your child needs a nightlight on, plus a lamp, plus their closet light, plus the bedroom door open. That is way too much light and probably contributing to their inability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Instead, just offer the one nightlight and keep it at that. 

Toddler sleep tip #5: No screens before bed

Screen use within the hour leading up to bedtime can also negatively affect melatonin production. For this reason, we don’t want screens to be part of our bedtime routine and we really don’t want them out during the lead up to bedtime either.

This can be a hard transition for some families to make but it is worth it and it is possible- I promise! Be sure to give your child fair warning that you won’t be watching tv or doing tablet time before bed anymore. Try to offer that time earlier in the afternoon or evening and as you do, remind them that this is their screen time instead of later in the night. When it comes time later on to hold that boundary, stay calm and stay consistent. They won’t fight you on this forever if you are consistent and clear.

Toddler sleep tip #6: Time bedtime appropriately

It’s hard to put in a blog what time you should offer bedtime for your child because there are so many factors involved in finding the right bedtime: What time does your child start their day, are they napping, how long, are they overtired at bedtime or undertired? 

However, a good general tip is to watch how your child seems during the day. Do they seem generally well rested or generally tired and cranky? If they seem tired often, then you’ll want to pull bedtime earlier. Also, if they seem to get a “second wind” right before bedtime and act extremely hyper, then you are probably missing their window and need to move bedtime earlier as well. Most often with toddlers and preschoolers having bedtime issues, the bedtime is too late for them and that is compounding other sleep issues.

Toddler sleep tip #7: Avoid threatening, begging, or negotiating

I know bedtime can be a minefield of emotions for your child and for you. As hard as it is, you need to work to remain calm, cool, collected, and in control of your emotions during bedtime. Don’t fall into the trap of making threats at bedtime. Threatening at bedtime rarely works  and really can just put a lot of negative feelings into the bedtime process for your child- causing them to become more anxious when it’s sleep time. 

Avoid begging your child to sleep or to stop coming out of their room. This teaches your child that you don’t have the final authority at bedtime and makes them more likely to test that authority. Just like you wouldn’t beg your child to put their shoes on when it’s time to go, you shouldn’t beg them at sleep time either.

Do not start a habit of negotiating with your toddler either. “Yes, I’ll lay with you for 5 more minutes if you stay in bed.” This teaches your child that ultimately, they hold the control at bedtime. And this can manifest in a couple different ways. Either they will take advantage of that control and require more and more as time goes on or they will feel anxious about your lack of control and not feel safe enough to fall asleep. 

Threatening, begging, and negotiating may seem like approaches to try in the moment, but the trickle down effects are not worth it.

Toddler sleep tip #8: Download my free toddler bedtime pass

Once you’ve laid the groundwork of the tips above, give my free bedtime pass a try! A bedtime pass is a tool that parents can use to help manage their toddler's bedtime stall tactics. It's a physical or visual pass that grants the child permission to leave their bed or room once during the bedtime routine for a specific reason, such as using the bathroom or getting a drink of water, or maybe even for an extra hug. However, once the pass is used, it cannot be reused until the next bedtime. 

This approach helps establish boundaries while also giving the child a sense of control and responsibility. To ensure the effectiveness of the bedtime pass, it's important to clearly explain its functionality to your toddler and reinforce the process regularly. 

Consistency is key in maintaining the boundaries associated with the bedtime pass to avoid any confusion for your child. By consistently explaining and enforcing the rules around the bedtime pass, you can establish a clear routine that helps manage bedtime stall tactics effectively.

Final thoughts

Bedtime doesn’t have to feel like a constant tug-of-war with your toddler. With a few small adjustments to your routine you can create a calm and consistent bedtime environment that helps your little one settle in for the night. Remember, the key is to stay patient and stick with your plan, even when things get tough.

If you’re still feeling stuck or need personalized guidance, I’m here to help! As a pediatric sleep consultant, I can work with you to tailor strategies for your unique situation. Let’s make bedtime a peaceful part of your day again!