Addressing sleep associations
Is your baby waking up multiple times a night, needing to be rocked, fed, or held back to sleep? You might be dealing with sleep associations, a common challenge that many parents face but don’t always realize. Sleep associations are the habits and cues that your baby relies on to fall asleep—and while some are helpful, others can become obstacles that keep everyone from getting the rest they need.
In this blog, we’re going to break down what sleep associations are, explore the most common ones, and dive into how they impact your child’s sleep patterns. We’ll also discuss the difference between positive and negative sleep associations, how to spot signs that a sleep association is interfering with your baby’s sleep, and, most importantly, how to address them effectively. If you’re ready to help your baby develop healthy sleep habits and get longer stretches of rest, keep reading to learn how to take control of sleep associations and set your little one up for sleep success!
What are sleep associations?
You’ve probably heard of sleep associations before. They are also referred to as sleep props, sleep crutches, or sleep habits. Simply put, sleep associations are the things that your child associates with falling asleep. These are habits, cues, and conditions that they typically have when they fall asleep and therefore they are things that they’ve grown to expect and need in order to fall asleep.
Common sleep associations
All kinds of things can be sleep associations. Below is a list of some of the most common ones I see in my work with clients but it’s not an exhaustive list by any means:
Rocking
White noise
Nursing
Bottle feeding
Dark room
Pacifier
Bedtime routine
Laying with
Parental presence
Hand holding
Patting
Lovey
All of these things can be associated with sleep and things that your child depends on in order to fall asleep.
How sleep associations form and how they impact sleep
Sleep associations can be intentionally created and they can unintentionally happen. Most often, I find that families who have unintentional sleep associations are the ones who are struggling most with their little one’s sleep.
Let’s look at a couple different scenarios for how sleep associations are formed:
Perhaps you found that bouncing your baby for 10 minutes on the yoga ball was the quickest way to get them to sleep. So you continued to do it night after night and now you feel stuck because your baby is used to falling asleep in exactly that way and you don’t know how to change it (even though you desperately want to ditch the middle of the night yoga bouncing).
Or maybe you exclusively breastfeed your baby and since birth they have fallen asleep while nursing. This wasn’t an issue at all at first and so you just let it be and it was an easy way for them to drift off at naptime, at bedtime, and overnight. But now that they are older, you are ready to accept more help at sleep time and you also know they no longer need to feed as frequently overnight. However, they aren’t used to falling asleep other than by nursing. So if your partner tries to help, it doesn’t work. And if you have to do it yourself anyways, you figure it will be quickest to just keep nursing. You feel stuck.
It could be that your baby uses a pacifier to fall asleep and has since they were 3 months old. However, they are now having trouble keeping the pacifier in and calling for you to replace it over and over again. Additionally, they are now old enough and smart enough to recognize that if they throw their pacifier out of the crib, you will come in right away. This has turned into a daily game where they try to put off naptime and you continually return to give back the pacifier because you know they can’t fall asleep without it.
Perhaps your 2 year has been a great sleeper for years but you recently made the transition from crib to bed. In an effort to keep them in their bed you started laying next to them as they settled and fell asleep and now they expect you to do this every bedtime. What used to be an easy bedtime process has now become long and drawn out. Not only that but they are waking and calling you into their room throughout the night.
Any of these sound familiar? Even if all the details aren’t exactly right, I’m guessing that you could relate to these scenarios in some way. While some sleep associations usually start off with good intentions (and they probably even help initially), they can begin to have negative impacts on sleep. A baby who is dependent on certain sleep props may fight falling asleep, they may wake frequently at night, start their days much earlier than you’d prefer, and take short naps.
Difference between positive and negative sleep associations
However, it’s important to talk about the difference between positive and negative sleep associations. Not all sleep associations will cause sleep disruptions. In fact, some sleep associations can improve the quality of sleep that your child gets!
A positive sleep association is something that your child is able to do themselves, a cue that your child needs before sleep but not as they fall asleep, or something that is continuous throughout the time your child should be sleeping. These would be things like: white noise playing, a dark sleep room, wearing a sleep sack, having a consistent bedtime routine, using a lovey (when age appropriate), the child rubbing their face on the mattress, sucking their hand, and even kicking their legs.
The above are all considered positive sleep associations because they don’t come and go. They are constant and if not constant then they are something your baby is able to do without outside help.
A negative sleep association is something that your child is unable to do or control themselves like: rocking, nursing, bottle feeding, laying with, having a parent present, holding hands with someone, patting, replacing a pacifier (depending on the age of the child), and even being bounced on that yoga ball.
These are all things that your child must cry or call out for when they wake up. They want to fall asleep but are unable to without someone providing the above sleep associations for them.
Signs that a sleep association is interfering with your child’s sleep
Having negative sleep associations can, obviously, negatively affect your child’s sleep. Below are some examples of how sleep associations tend to interfere.
False starts: Using a sleep prop to get your little one to sleep may be pretty easy initially but when you go to transfer them to their crib or sneak out of their room, they are more likely to be jolted awake. Then you have to start the process all over again. This results in false starts at bedtime
Will only fall asleep for 1 parent: If part of the sleep association is strongly related to one parent, it can make it nearly impossible for the other parent to help get the baby to sleep. This can lead to difficulties when one parent is gone but it also puts a lot of pressure on the preferred parent to always be in charge of sleep.
Waking frequently overnight: Babies go through many sleep cycles overnight and it’s natural for them to briefly wake frequently. If they wake and their sleep prop is missing, they will not be able to fall asleep until they have it again. This leads to you and the baby being awake more frequently than necessary overnight.
Starting their day very early: As the night goes on, your child’s drive to sleep lessens and their body gets prepared for wake up time. Especially after 4-5am, it becomes significantly more difficult for your little one to fall back asleep if they wake. Sometimes, having a parent enter the room to try to get them back to sleep is just too stimulating for their brain and instead they decide to be up for the day.
Taking short and crappy naps: Much like the frequent night wakings, it’s normal for your baby to briefly wake after 30-45 minutes before heading into a new sleep cycle. If they wake and discover their sleep prop association is missing, then they’ll either be waiting for you to help them or simply be done napping.
How to address sleep associations
So if you’ve been reading through this blog and realizing that you’ve got a sleep association problem, I don’t want you to stress or freak out! The most important thing to understand about sleep associations and habits is that we can always make changes. Your little one can always learn a new way to fall asleep and catch onto new sleep associations. It will take effort and consistency on your part but it is 100% doable.
If you’ve determined that you need to move from negative sleep associations to more positive ones, then you’ll want to grab a sleep coaching method that you feel comfortable with. Sleep coaching methods are designed to give you a way to respond to your baby without simply giving them their usual sleep association. Through systematic sleep coaching, you can help ease your baby out of their dependence on negative sleep associations and teach them more positive ways to fall asleep that won’t disrupt their sleep.
Final thoughts
Sleep associations are a natural part of your baby’s sleep routine, but when they rely on negative sleep props, it can lead to restless nights and frustration for everyone. By understanding the difference between positive and negative sleep associations and identifying how they may be affecting your baby’s sleep, you can start making adjustments to foster better rest for your child. Whether it’s gradually replacing a sleep prop or introducing consistent cues that promote independent sleep, there are effective strategies to guide your little one towards healthier sleep habits.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, I’m here to help! Let’s connect for a free 15 minute discovery call so we can discuss your baby’s sleep challenges and find the right approach for your family. Together, we can work towards peaceful nights and a well-rested baby. Schedule your free call below!
