Bedtime Battle: Is Your Toddler a Master of Stall Tactics?
As my daughter hit the age of two, I naively believed our sleep struggles were a thing of the past. However, to my surprise, her bedtime routine began stretching into what felt like eternity. Suddenly, she had an array of demands: "another book," "a snack," "needed to go potty," and "two stuffed animals weren’t enough." Being a first-time parent, I lacked experience in handling toddler behavior, so initially, I gave in to her requests out of concern she might be hungry or upset without that extra stuffed animal.
It took me a couple of weeks to realize the pattern. By giving in to her requests those first few nights, I inadvertently encouraged her to continue stalling at bedtime. Toddlers, as I soon learned, are incredibly perceptive and will exploit any opportunity to test boundaries as they explore the world around them. There were moments of exhaustion where giving in seemed easier than sticking to the routine and boundaries I had set. I wondered if other moms could relate to this struggle.
So, how does one address this issue? It requires finding a balance between allowing toddlers to feel they have some control while maintaining consistency with routines and boundaries.
Why do toddlers seem to struggle so much with bedtime anyways?
Toddlers often stall bedtime for various reasons, reflecting their developing autonomy and understanding of the world around them. At this stage, they're beginning to assert their independence and test boundaries, including those surrounding sleep routines.
They may stall bedtime as a way to assert control or delay separation from parents, fearing they might miss out on something exciting (FOMO).
Toddlers are also highly curious and easily distracted, making it difficult for them to transition from stimulating activities to bedtime. Sometimes, they might just simply crave more time with their parents, seeking reassurance and connection before being willing to sleep sleep.
Understanding these underlying motivations can make it a little easier for us as parents to approach bedtime stall tactics with patience and empathy, guiding our toddlers towards a smoother bedtime routine.
What are the bedtime stall tactics to look out for:
The typical bedtime stall tactics employed by toddler are as diverse as they are imaginative. From requests for one more story to sudden urges for a drink of water or a trip to the bathroom, toddlers seem to possess an endless repertoire of delaying tactics.
Some may resort to bargaining, promising to go to bed without a fuss if granted just a few more minutes of playtime.
Others might express sudden fears of monsters lurking in the darkness, necessitating extra cuddles or assurances of safety.
Creative excuses such as misplaced stuffed animals or sudden hunger pangs may also emerge, prolonging the inevitable moment of lights out.
Regardless of the tactic used, they all have one thing in common: To prolong the inevitable moment of drifting off to sleep.
Here are four tips to combat bedtime stall tactics:
Establish and Maintain a Bedtime Routine: Allocate at least 30 minutes of wind-down time before the scheduled bedtime. Consistency is key here. Whether it's a bath, changing into pajamas, reading a story, singing a lullaby, or giving hugs and kisses, stick to the same routine every night. This repetition helps signal to your toddler that bedtime is approaching.
Bonus tip: Blue light exposure
Limiting your toddler's exposure to blue light before bedtime so important for ensuring quality sleep. Blue light emitted from screens like TVs, tablets, and smartphones can disrupt their natural sleep-wake cycle by suppressing the production of melatonin, the hormone responsible for inducing sleep.
Excessive exposure to blue light before bed can lead to difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep, and even sleep disturbances throughout the night.
By establishing a screen-free wind-down routine before bedtime, such as reading books or engaging in calming activities, parents can help their toddlers relax and prepare better for a good night's sleep.
Prioritizing this practice not only promotes healthier sleep patterns but also supports better cognitive and physical development during these formative years.
Utilize Bedtime Routine Cards: Create visual aids using index cards to outline each step of the bedtime routine. Involve your child by allowing them to remove a card after completing each task, turning it into a fun game that promotes cooperation and understanding of expectations.
Implement a Timer: Use a timer, such as one on a smart device or phone, to signal the start of the bedtime routine. By involving your toddler in setting the timer and clearly stating expectations, they learn to associate the sound of the timer with the beginning of their wind-down routine, giving them a sense of structure and predictability.
Offer Simple Choices: Instead of dictating every aspect of the bedtime routine, give your toddler opportunities to make simple decisions, such as choosing between two pajama options or selecting a bedtime story. This empowers them and reduces resistance to bedtime.
What is a bedtime pass and how can I utilize it to help with my toddler’s bedtime stall tactics?
A bedtime pass is a tool that parents can use to help manage their toddler's bedtime stall tactics.
It's a physical or visual pass that grants the child permission to leave their bed or room once during the bedtime routine for a specific reason, such as using the bathroom or getting a drink of water, or maybe even for an extra hug.
However, once the pass is used, it cannot be reused until the next bedtime.
This approach helps establish boundaries while also giving the child a sense of control and responsibility.
To ensure the effectiveness of the bedtime pass, it's important to clearly explain its functionality to your toddler and reinforce the process regularly.
Consistency is key in maintaining the boundaries associated with the bedtime pass to avoid any confusion for your child.
By consistently explaining and enforcing the rules around the bedtime pass, you can establish a clear routine that helps manage bedtime stall tactics effectively.
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Final thoughts:
It's important to remember that boundary-testing is a normal part of toddler development. By staying firm yet compassionate in enforcing boundaries, parents support their child's growth and understanding of acceptable behavior.
If you find it challenging to establish a routine or encounter other sleep-related difficulties with your toddler, don't hesitate to reach out for support. You might consider scheduling a complimentary consultation to explore personalized solutions that address your family's specific needs.
